watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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