So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
