My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
