I puked a lego.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
