just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
