he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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