I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
