Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
