i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
