Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
