my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
