we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
