Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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