my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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