I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
