you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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