I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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