Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize