mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
