Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
why do cheetos always look like penises
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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