I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize