i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
where are my eyebrows?
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