where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
