So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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