Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
