So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
