Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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