Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
