i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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