he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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