I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize