So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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