I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
