I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
