We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
FUCK WHALES
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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