I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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