Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
where are my eyebrows?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
