My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
