we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
