We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
