i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
