K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
