After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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