if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
