I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
