party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
