Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
