I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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