They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
