I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
