Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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