Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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