I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
