I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
