I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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