The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's never too late to be topless.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
