he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
