i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
