remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
