You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
