Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize