im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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