I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
