I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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