i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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