I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
