I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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